Category Archives: Humor

Only Fair?

Written by Contributing Writer Dark Knight-Source: Internet

The World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win six titles, will soon be losing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and President Barack Hussein Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the league.

“We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl,” said Obama. “We are not about to lose this Great American tradition in the wake of these difficult times.” Obama’s plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are not successful or have not been as successful as the Steelers. “The Detroit Lions are just as much a part of the same fiber of the NFL as the Steelers and they should, no rather will, be entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well.” Obama explains in his plan that he has imposed on Goodell and the NFL.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play, stellar draft choices, responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of coaches and excellent community service and commitment to their fans, has prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super Bowl Trophies. But President Barack Hussein Obama’s plan calls for the Pittsburgh Steelers to carry the larger burden of the NFL’s less successful teams. Obama went on to further proclaim, “In these difficult times we are all in this to work together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship Dream for every team, for every city and for every fan.”

“My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league.” Obama assures. “That’s over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL will not have to worry about losing any Super Bowl Trophies. The worst teams in the NFL and the teams that can’t seem to get a break and win a championship will no longer have to worry about going without a title.” Obama promises. “We are a country and league of hope. We all need to make a change. It does not matter the color of the teams uniforms, the personal decisions that the teams make or their performance but rather if they are a member of this great American league.”

The Super Bowl XLIII trophy will be redistributed to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Through no fault of their own incompetence, the Lions could not manage a victory all season and this trophy will help ease the pain of their lack of performance and give them hope once again. The redistribution of Super Bowl XL trophy will go directly to the Steeler’s division rival the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals who also have fallen on hard times have never won a Super Bowl. This victory will bring a smile to hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world as they can now celebrate. Finally, one of the Steeler’s two Super Bowl victories over the Dallas Cowboys will go back to the Cowboys since the league needs to provide hope in the face of difficulty and provide hope in the face of uncertainty. This is a heavy burden for the Steelers but together we can all prosper.

All hope is not lost for Pittsburgh fans; Barack Hussein Obama has another plan in place. Obama has met with MLB and commissioner Bud Selig on a similar plan. The New York Yankees will redistribute two of their World Series trophies to the Pittsburgh Pirates as a supplement to their losing 16 straight seasons and counting. This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and enable them to regain the American Dream. Barack Hussein Obama will be meeting with the NHL and Michael Phelps in the upcoming weeks as this issue is high on his agenda for “Hope and Change.”

The Amazing Thomas Jefferson

I just finished listening to a left wing rant about how our forefathers would be democrats and fight against the tea party movement.   After I cleaned up the vomit off of the floor, I decided to go take a look at what they thought of our issues…  certainly they existed back then.  and of corse, they did.

I decided to start with Thomas Jefferson.  so here they are..  Thomas jefferson’s comments on the issues of today.

 

On the second ammendment.

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.

 

On Michelle Obama’s attempt to control our diet.

Was the government to prescribe to us our medicine and diet, our bodies would be in such keeping as our souls are now.

 

On The Patriot act

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.

 

On Gun Control 

“Laws that forbid the carrying of arms…disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes… Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.” (Quoting Cesare Beccaria)

 

On the Second Amendment

The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it.

 

On Government Intrusion into our Lives

The policy of the American government is to leave their citizens free, neither restraining nor aiding them in their pursuits.

 

On the Proper Limits of the law

No man has a natural right to commit aggression on the equal rights of another, and this is all from which the laws ought to restrain him.

 

On Socialism (Obama’s brand at that!)

To take from one because it is thought that his own industry and that of his father’s has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association—the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it.

 

On Government Freeloaders

I think myself that we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious.

 

On Overreaching Government

When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.

 

On Government Activism

I am not a friend to a very energetic government. It is always oppressive.

 

On Resisting the Government

What country can preserve its liberties if its rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance?

 

On the actions of the Pelosi/Reid Congress

The majority, oppressing the minority, is guilty of a crime, abuses its strength, and by acting on the law of the strongest breaks up the foundations of society.

 

On Government Regulation of Industry

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread.

 

On Religious Zealots using government to force their beliefs into law.

The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.

 

On Armed Resistance to Tyrannical Government

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.

 

On the Government trying to “Guarantee Happiness”

Of liberty I would say that, in the whole plenitude of its extent, it is unobstructed action according to our will. But rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add “within the limits of the law,” because law is often but the tyrant’s will, and always so when it violates the right of an individual.

 

On Welfare

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.

 

On Taxing people to pay for programs that they do not support

To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

 

On Socialism destroying America

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.

 

On Too Much Government

Most bad government has grown out of too much government.

 

On Constitutionally Limited Government

The two enemies of the people are criminals and government, so let us tie the second down with the chains of the Constitution so the second will not become the legalized version of the first.

 

On Government Staying out of our Lives, and our Pockets

A wise and frugal government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government.

 

On People who Question our form of Government

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then, be trusted with the government of others?

 

On the source of our Rights and Liberty

A free people [claim] their rights as derived from the laws of nature, and not as the gift of their chief magistrate.

 

On the Obama Administration

An elective despotism was not the government we fought for.

 

On the Failure of the Public School System

It is better to tolerate that rare instance of a parent’s refusing to let his child be educated, than to shock the common feelings by a forcible transportation and education of the infant against the will of his father.

 

On the government’s tendency to destroy our freedom

The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground.

 

On Chris Mathews

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.

 

It seems to me that Thomas Jefferson would be a member of the Tea Party.   Without question.  I am thrilled to be keeping such company.

regards all.

New Political Parties

The New Democratic Party and the New DNC:

Democratic Obfuscation Union Championing Hatred and Elitism (D.O.U.C.H.E.) party

Communist Revolutionaries And Progressives (C.R.A.P.) movement

Barrack Obama’s Weaponized Elite Legionnaires (B.O.W.E.L.) movement

Democratic Ideology Championing Keynesian Hybrid Economics by Advancing Dynamic Socialism (D.I.C.K.H.E.A.D.S.) society

Socialist Hierarchical Ideology Transforming Freedom and Obligating Redistribution By Redirecting America Into Nationalist Socialism (S.H.I.T.F.O.R.B.R.A.I.N.S.) campaign

Democratic Entitlement Foundation Enabling Community Activism Toward Indoctrination Occupation and Nationalism (D.E.F.E.C.A.T.I.O.N.) League

Not joining any of these guys any time soon.

A Profiling Quiz…

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone—particularly fanatics intent on killing us (and liberals)—airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips. Let’s pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by

(a) Norwegians from Ballard

(b) Elvis

(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women

(d) Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40

 

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by

(a) A pizza delivery boy

(b) Crazed feminists complaining that being able to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius was an unfair and sexist requirement in basic training

(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day

(d) Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40

 

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by

(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in “Godfather 2”

(b) The Tooth Fairy

(c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train mission

(d) Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40

 

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by

(a) Mr. Rogers

(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill’s women problems

(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: “Mustapha the Merciless”

(d) Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40

 

In 2000, the USS Cole was bombed by

a) NRA members

b) anti-abortion activists

c) a business executive

d) Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40

 

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by

(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd

(b) The Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their attempted hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election

(c) The Swedish women’s volleyball team

(d) Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 43.

 

Yeah, there’s no pattern here….